Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lips Like Sugar

Every day I awaken to the painful reality of a vanishing fantasy. Visions of you and your angelic face are set adrift in the mists of my mind as I wait to succumb once again to your exotic charms.
Darkness encompasses my thoughts; I feel you. 
Your mouth on my neck feverishly; vampiric fantasies.

I want you.

I draw your mouth to mine and pull your lithe body against me. I am lost in dreams of softly kissing those sweet lips. 
Lips like sugar. 
Lips that have ravaged my body and made me ache for so much more.

Your muscles flex against me; within me. 
Your force consuming me, drowning me, taking me until there is nothing left…

I want you.

Your hands hold my wrists; I writhe in your grasp. 
You like that more than you are willing to admit. 
I know that you do.

Your intensity crushes into me, soothing me, subduing me, and yet awakening my eternal hunger for you again. And I am here, just for you. Every night.
You have exhausted my will to call it your own.

And I want you.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Daddy

“Wait son.”
Daddy was talking to me again. I had no choice but to wait now anyway.
I went upstairs to change my blood stained khakis. Perhaps I would offer her some food or drink, converse with her, let her know my plans. Maybe daddy would go away. I couldn't even think when he was talking to me, much less do what I'd planned next.

“Junior, I've told you a thousand times, you've got to be patient with them. Don't leave her for too long or she won't be in any kind of mood when you get back to her. Then it could get ugly”.
I know what he thought. That's all he had ever thought about. It disgusted me. Why wouldn't he just go away.
He was always listening inside my head. I was afraid to think of anything, knowing he was right there with me. Waiting for me to screw up. If momma only knew what he was doing to me now.
I was scared. I screamed for her. But she never came.
And he was laughing at me. “I always knew you were such a momma's boy”.
“Shut up!!!” I shook my fists in the air.

There was silence again.
I took a shower and changed clothes. Blue oxford cloth button down and another pair of khakis. Barefooted, I slipped on my docksiders.
Looking in the mirror, I decided I needed a shave; if I could keep the razor steady.
My hands shook, but my head was quiet. I took a deep breath, and finally it seemed I was alone.
I managed to shave without incident.

The girl in the basement. My date.
I bet she thought I was afraid to face her. She was right.
I couldn't go back to her yet. I wasn't ready. Not with daddy hanging around watching my every move. I needed to think. Get a plan of action.

I sat on the twin bed and looked around my boyhood room. Rock n'roll posters of KISS and Twisted Sister still covering the walls. Daddy always hated it. The devil's disciples, that's what they were, and I worshiped them. What did that make me?
Momma had just smiled at me. She was beautiful. “It's okay Junior, your daddy just doesn't like anything he doesn't understand, I guess they could be a little scary, huh?” She pointed at Gene Simmons. Then she laughed that sweet laugh she had.

I shook my head and wrenched myself from the memory. I could smell her.
If she were still here, none of this would be happening. She would make daddy leave me alone.

I crossed the room and opened the dresser drawer to remove a pink tube of lipstick. Pure Rose.
It had been momma's. I'd saved all of her things.
I looked in the mirror and carefully applied the color to my lips. The taste flooded my brain with images of momma; kissing me goodnight, kissing me good-bye, leaving lip prints on glasses and on daddy's cheek each morning as he left for work.
I waited.

There had been no response from daddy. I was thankful. He would've just called me a queer. I smiled at myself and licked the waxiness of my lips.
I took a deep breath and headed back downstairs.
The stairs creaked as I took my first step down into the basement. I knew she could hear me coming. I wondered if she knew what lie in store for her. 

©2011 Garden Summerland

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Weakness

I whispered your name again last night.
Screaming it inside my head, as I felt your hands intently caressing my flesh so willingly given to you.
Cold chills burning into me with every touch… an insurmountable weakness...
all for you.

I am consumed by haunting desire, to feel your skin beneath mine, your mouth possessing me, your soul enticing me to let go.

Tonight, once again I will scream your name as I succumb to your passion, unable to resist your hot skin pleading for my touch.
Pleasing you immeasurably with endless fulfillment of truth.
Tonight.

I am weak.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Oblivious

Have I awakened from twisted dreams, or have they become the reality I battle everyday? He held me down last night. Forceful and unrelenting. Did he expect a struggle? No, he wasn't even aware of what he was doing, because I have created it all. Every scene, every touch, every thought.
He is unworldly and childlike, his actions pure and virtuous. And yet he has been my undoing. I wanted him long before he came to me in my dreams, and he still doesn't know. Naive to the effect his words have upon me, he speaks freely and without pretension. I am smitten and he is blissful. The way it will have to be.
He casts his spell upon me with ease, his emotions slicing through my frail reserve like razor sharp glass. My fantasies bleed out before him, and he is fulfilled beyond his own imagination. I will have him every night. Any way that I choose. I have no defenses left, he has inadvertently broken me and made me revel in my own savage hunger. And yet still I crave more. What is it about him that I cannot deny? Will not deny. He is a quenchless thirst that leaves me aching every morning for his nightly returns. And he is sleeping the sleep of the innocent.
Oblivious.
©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Pain

I thought of you today.
Because I heard your name.
It hurt me; just like you used to.
I miss it.

It was all a game to you.
It still is.
I wait, and you don't come.
It makes you smile.
And I cry.

So long ago, yet it seems like today.
Where are you now?
I've no one to play with anymore.
All this pain you inflict.
Are you really unaware?

I am caught.
Smothered by an inescapable torment.
Because I have dared to love you.
And you didn't feel a thing.
You carry on with your life.
And I suffer in silence.
No one can ever know.

These childish things I have put behind me.
Or so they thought.
I smile and they think I am happy.
But I never knew you at all.
Only the pain I received from your laughter.
And now it has all gone away.
Even the pain.
Until... today.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Devotion

I can't stop thinking about you.
You are all that is on my mind.
Being with you, touching you, kissing you.
Once again.
Devoting every waking hour to your pleasure.
You have immobilized my will. 
I am forever haunted by memories of you. Of us and a life we shared.
Only... it hasn't happened yet.
I see things in my mind from our past; a past that has not yet been lived. The pouring rain, soaking us both as your flesh melts beneath my lips. 
I am insatiable.
I love you.
No, I really love you.
Don't you remember?
I have lost all sense of reason. My skin burns from your brief touch; but it was only in my mind.

Kiss me. Pull me close, quickly, passionately and roughly. I look into your eyes. Searching.
You have found me again.
And now, I cannot wait any longer. I must have you against me, inside me, swallowing my every thought and desire.
Just like it happens every night when I close my eyes.

You make me shake.
©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, April 18, 2011

Lost II

There is a secret passageway inside my mind.
You take me there every night. It is a door to another world.
A dream land of ecstasy in your arms; and I cannot find it alone.

I am lost and without you I will never find it again.
You have been the only one to unlock my secrets.
We must find it again.
Search with me and love me.
I am lost in my mind with you.
I close my eyes and feel your caress, your lips brushing against my skin, taking my breath and searing my soul.

I am so weak.

Hold me. Hold me tightly, crushing me against you... so much until I can no longer breathe.
An image of your face is burned into my mind; your voice echoes in my head, & your hands touch my heart.

Kiss me.
Consume me.... as you already have; to the point of no return.
I am lost with you.
I am lost without you.
 
©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 15, 2011

Dream Lover

I am alone against the night. I close my eyes and I see us together, as we once were, not so very long ago.

The open windows are enshrouded in white lace that dances as the breeze flows through, bringing the scent of honeysuckle to tantalize my memory.
The balmy evening air caresses my cool damp skin as  I lie on the bed intently awaiting your return. Dreams no longer sustaining, I cry out for you into darkness; a lone soul existing in another dimension, wholly for the purpose of your pleasures.

My pleas fall on deaf ears as you disappear into my mind once again; the shadow of your denial envelopes my desires and intensifies my want for your total consummation.

I am bound.

Tears flowing from my heart into a vast aching river of need, I open myself totally to this edifying illusion which surpasses every indulgence of our physical selves.

Suddenly, I feel your mouth against mine. Am I dreaming?

I must have you again. Just once.

My encompassing need is grievous within your unwillingness to satisfy my hunger. And yet, here you are again...encouraging my lust and perpetuating my never-ending desire.
But your will desecrates my worshipful intentions; and you leave me again.

You really are cruel.

There is no solace without the sustenance of your ardor.


©2011 Garden Summerland

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Drive By

Waiting at the stop sign.
You turned left into my street.
It was only for a second…or was it?
Time suspended in slow motion, your eyes locked into mine.
I wondered.
How long has it been? Days, weeks… a year maybe?
Do I know you? Have I ever?

We lived a life time in those seconds; the promise of an infinite future in your eyes.
Or at least an afternoon;
a rainy afternoon, filled with intense passion
I remember it all.

You were exquisite; sensitive and kind.
You held me, and time stood still. Just like right now.
We shared an eternity in the flash of a split second; but now you have passed right by me.
And you are gone.

A predestined meeting at a stop sign.
I waited for traffic; suspended in a moment; for love, for you.
A glitch in time so fleeting and yet I felt your everlasting devotion in my soul, once again, and I thought it would last forever.
But then you were gone.

I don’t even know you. Not then and certainly not now.
The traffic moves on.

What was your name? Did I know it?
I have forgotten it already.
But I will never forget the way that you touched me.
Drive by ecstasy.
That’s what you were and always will be.
That, I shall not soon forget.



©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 8, 2011

Freedom Within

Searing hot visions scorch my soul as I toss and turn in my bed, dreaming of his arms enveloping me, his love pouring over my wounded psyche… healing me, and yet inflicting further damage to my body and my mind.
I feel his hands ravaging my body, the rain of his essence pouring over me, soaking me to the core, and yet the insatiable thirst I have for him remains.
His fingers tenderly nurturing my flesh, as his lips brutalize me with unfathomable intensity.
I want him.
Burning, burning… my soul ablaze with an inextinguishable passion singeing every avenue of escape.
I surrender myself to him unconditionally.
Dreaming of his total consummation of my being, and unable to subdue my desire,
I wept for him.
Now I must wait for him.
And he will return, finding freedom within me.


©2011 Garden Summerland

Monday, April 4, 2011

Moonlight

The moonlight streaming in through the open window cuts gently through the darkness, illuminating your naked form, as you stare out into the starless night.

Mesmerized, I watch you with silent desire.

You feel my presence but remain fixated. It's only a matter of time, you know I will come to you.
I cannot resist my consuming need to feel your skin beneath my fingers.
I touch you.... your neck and your shoulders, softly massaging you as my hands work their way down your back, my hands now resting on your hips, as my mouth begins to explore the same path.
I kiss your neck, with slow burning kisses, savoring the saltiness of your flesh.
I will never get enough.

As I move my lips to your shoulders, you turn to face me... your hands grasping me tightly around my waist and pulling me forcefully against you.
My breath is short, my hands on your back again..
I look into your eyes, pleading... wanting...hurting...begging for you...

Anything.... anything for you.

©2011 Garden Summerland

Friday, April 1, 2011

Tormented Soul

I watched you sleeping for hours.

I didn't wake you, even though I wanted you…needed you… to feel you .
Just once.
I touched your shoulder…you did not stir.
I kissed your cheek…you murmured something unintelligible.
I waited.

In the early morning, I awakened you gently, my fingers softly caressing your shoulders. Kissing your back as I lovingly massaged your skin.
I kissed you everywhere, turning you over, my mouth on your chest, traveling down your sides, worshiping your body with my tongue.
I will never get enough.
Touching, kissing, tasting, serving.
Loving.
You.

I don't know which is worse…
To fall asleep and dream of you making love to me…or to awaken and continue the dream in my mind… knowing it's just a fantasy because I can't really touch you.

Tormented soul.

©2011 Garden Summerland